Lots of couples know that they want to include a funny wedding reading as part of their ceremony, but it can be tricky to find something that strikes the right tone for a wedding. You don’t want anything rude or racy, and you don’t want your other half to feel like they’re the butt of a bad joke.
Here, we’ve found 10 funny wedding readings for any reader and any kind of ceremony. We’ve gathered perfect poems and extracts for both adults and children to read, from those that will raise a sweet smile to ones that will have your guests guffawing out loud. Now you just have to decide which one strikes the perfect tone for you!
Funny Wedding Readings
How Falling in Love is Like Owning a Dog by Taylor Mali
This is the perfect wedding reading for couples with dogs! Make sure you get someone with comic timing to read this one.
Sample: “Love doesn’t like being left alone for long. But come home and love is always happy to see you. It may break a few things accidentally in its passion for life, but you can never be mad at love for long. Is love good all the time? No! No! Love can be bad. Bad, love, bad! Very bad love.”
Read the full text here: How Falling in Love is Like Owning a Dog
Let Me Put It This Way by Simon Armitage
A short and sweet funny wedding poem that sums up both the mundanity and the magic of married life. Written by the award-winning British poet, it’s funny and light (we’ve all seen that Friends episode with the hug and roll!), yet entirely sincere and so universal.
Sample: “If my arm went dead,/or if I had to take my leave/at midnight, I should rather/cleave it from the joint or seam/than make a scene”
Read the full text here: Let Me Put It This Way by Simon Armitage
Love Me When I’m Old by Bee Rawlinson
A lighthearted poem all about the things you and your other half will do together when you’re old, grey, and maybe a little bit bonkers, but still very much in love.
Sample: “Love me when I’m old and shocking/Peel off my elastic stockings/Swing me from the chandeliers/Let’s be randy bad old dears.”
Read the full text here: Love Me When I’m Old by Bee Rawlinson
Marriage is Not Beautiful by Anonymous
This is one of those funny wedding readings that celebrates the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful of love. This is what it’s like to meet the person who knows, accepts and loves the real you, warts and all.
Sample: “It’s the hardest most rewarding job there is. Because at the end of the day you get to crawl into bed with your best friend, the weirdest, most annoying, loving, goofy, perfect person you know. Marriage is not beautiful but the journey is unbelievable craic.”
Read the full text here: Marriage is Not Beautiful by Anonymous
Forever by Ms Moem
A sweet, lighthearted wedding poem encapsulating the hopes and aspirations of creating a long-lasting and happy marriage, that stays playful and loving, no matter how many years go by.
Sample: “Will you still wake up each morning/And turn to me with a grin?/Will you still tell me I’m beautiful/And mean, outside and in.”
Read the full text here: Forever by Ms Moem
A Vow by Wendy Cope
Cope is a highly acclaimed English poet who’s known and loved for her accessibility and wit. A Vow is an honest, funny, and sweet set of promises, that will bring a smile to the faces of your guests.
Sample: “I cannot promise never to be angry;/I cannot promise always to be kind./You know what you are taking on, my darling –/It’s only at the start that love is blind.”
Read the full text here: A Vow by Wendy Cope
The Day the Saucers Came by Neil Gaiman
Far from a traditional reading, this funny wedding reading captures just how much love and lust takes over when we meet that special someone. In fact, nothing else matters, not even if the aliens come down from the skies, zombies roam the planet or the ice caps melt! A little dramatic, you might be thinking, but it will all make sense once you read it.
Sample: “But you did not notice this because/On the saucer day, which was zombie day, it was/Ragnarok also, and the television screens showed us/A ship built of dead-men’s nails, a serpent, a wolf,/All bigger than the mind could hold”
Read the full text here: The Day the Saucers Came by Neil Gaiman
The Giraffe and the Monkey by Daniel Thompson
Marriage is about sharing your life with someone who laughs at your jokes and makes you laugh too. Someone you can be yourself with and who reminds you that money, material possessions and looks, pale in comparison to the joy of finding your soulmate.
Sample: “But in laughter and love, and in sharing your life./In the arms of another as husband and wife./So when you find someone who’s weird just like you/Who laughs when you’re stupid and who makes you laugh too.”
Read the full text here: The Giraffe and the Monkey by Daniel Thompson
I’ll Be There For You by Louise Cuddon
We love this uncomplicated reading about the reality of how, while not every day can be amazing, it can certainly be turned around by the love of someone who deeply cares. Whether it’s a flat tyre, you’ve been locked out of the house or you’ve broken out in hives, that person is always there, in a way only they know how.
Sample: “When your thrilling whodunit has lost its last page/When somebody tells you, you’re looking your age/When your coffee’s too cool, and your wine is too warm/When the forecast said, “Fine,” but you’re out in a storm”
Read the full text here: I’ll Be There For You by Louise Cuddon
Sweet Misery
This poem plays into that classic tortured love category that has timeless appeal. Who doesn’t love a dramatic declaration of love? Make sure you choose the right person as the reader to bring that lighter touch and raise a laugh.
Sample: “I get too hot and sweat a lot./I hardly eat a bite./My pulse beats like a kettle drum/and keeps me up at night.”
Read the full text here: Sweet Misery
Check out our Essential List of Ceremony Readings with something for every kind of wedding and reader!
