So, you’ve picked out the perfect venue, outfits and partner, and now it’s time to pick the perfect words. Writing your own wedding vows can be a daunting task, but it’s something you’ll be really glad you did, and, through the medium of your wedding video, something you can revisit year after year. But how exactly do you go about it? Well, here we’re showing you how to write your own wedding vows, and we’ve even included handy prompts and sample phrases to help you get started!

Top tips for how to write your own wedding vows

1. Check it suits your style of ceremony

Nearly all secular wedding ceremonies have room for personal vows, but religious orders often have their own wedding vows that they require you to read aloud, and, as such, don’t allow personalised vows. Of course, if that’s the case, you could have a personal vow exchange at another point in your wedding day, at the drinks reception or during the speeches, for example!

2. Chat to your partner before you begin

You may want your vows to be a surprise, but it’s a good idea to chat about them in advance to set expectations and make you’re on the same page (excuse the pun!). Your vows don’t have to “match” in tone or format – yours might be short and sweet, theirs might take the form of a story and be full of laugh-out-loud moments – but it’s worth discussing what you want, and whether they will include promises to each other, or be more relaxed and conversational.

3. Give yourself plenty of time

Lots of couples leave it until the last minute, and for some, it works! But our advice is to set aside time a few weeks before the wedding – put the date in your diary! – to get started, as writing vows can take longer than you’d expect. The week of, and day before your wedding can be really busy and sometimes stressful, and writing a declaration of love for your partner isn’t something you want to do under pressure!

4. Start with a brainstorm

There’s nothing more intimidating than a blank piece of paper! So it’s important to get something down on the page immediately, even something as simple as, “(Name), I love you with all my heart,” will help the words start to flow. Then you can brainstorm a few words and phrases about your partner (there are no bad ideas. Remember, there will be multiple drafts of your vows!), which you can start forming into sentences and paragraphs later. Check out some of our funny and adorable vow prompts here to help you get started!

5. Make it personal

It might sound like an obvious one, but apart from the fact that you’re promising your life to one another, focus on the things that make your relationship uniquely yours. This could be something as simple as gardening or dancing, and how it brought you together, especially if it still does. A shared interest can signify a similar set of values that will always allow you to find your way back to each other, whatever may come your way.

6. Embrace your differences

When we choose someone we want to spend the rest of our lives with, we often look for someone similar to us. But it’s not just similarities that make two people highly compatible, it’s also their differences. In most cases, partners have opposing strengths and weaknesses that keep them in balance. Acknowledging this is a lovely way to remind your partner of why you work so well together!

7. Use our handy vow-writing prompts

Finding it hard to get going? Here are a few prompts that should help anyone wondering how to write your own wedding vows:

• What did you think when you first met your partner?
• When did you know you were in love with your partner?
• When did you know you wanted to marry your partner?
• How has your partner changed your life?
• What are your favourite things about your partner?
• What do you hope for your future?
• What does marriage mean to you?
• What do you hope to do for your partner?
• How do you see your relationship evolving?
• How does your partner make you feel?
• What has your partner taught you?

8. Use language you’re comfortable with

When expressing our feelings, many of us try to use the most flamboyant wording possible, but this can often just distract from your message. When you use your own words and words that you and your partner often use together, it feels more authentic, and will probably flow more naturally when spoken aloud.

A good way to reset and help you find language that’s more authentic to you, is to imagine that you bumped into an old friend that you haven’t seen in years. How would you describe your partner to them? What about your partner would you be excited to tell them?

9. Keep it short

In theory, you should be able to let your vows run on for as long as you wish, but in practice, you, your partner and your guests might find really long vows challenging. You shouldn’t feel like there’s a timer ticking or an Oscars-style flashing light that reads, “Please Wrap Up,” but most couples find 30 seconds to three minutes to be the sweet spot for wedding vows. A rehearsal (see below) will help you figure out what length is best for you.

10. Don’t throw away good material!

If you need to edit your vows down for the ceremony, be sure to keep the full version somewhere safe – it would make a lovely first anniversary gift for your spouse. Alternatively, you could take the extra lines that didn’t make your vows and put them in your speech or in a card for your partner to read on the morning of the wedding.

11. Write them down

Messing about with a phone during the ceremony isn’t ideal. It’s best to write your vows down on paper and to do it well in advance. If you’re getting married outdoors, and there’s a chance of wind and rain, it’s a good idea to put them on a cardboard backing to stop them flying about, and use waterproof pen. Some couples choose to hire a calligrapher to write their vows for them, and then frame and display them in their home, which is a lovely touch, too.

12. Do a rehearsal

This will help you figure out if your vows feel too long, if some of the sentences contain unintentional tongue twisters, if you’re not happy with the tone, etc. You can do it in front of the mirror, or in front of a friend you trust.

13. Leave room for pauses

While rehearsing, it’s a good idea to make a few marks on the page to remind yourself to pause when reading your vows aloud. It’s all too easy to rush through the words if you’re feeling nervous, which might mean your partner or guests miss them.

14. Make promises to your partner (optional!)

They’re called vows because traditionally, couples used them to make promises to each other, but, of course, whether you include direct vows is entirely up to you. These kinds of promises can be a good way to add personality, and they can add a touch of informality too, if that’s what you’re after.

Here are a few ideas to get your creative juices flowing;

• “I vow to limit my shoe collection to 40 pairs,”
• “I promise to watch terrible rom coms with you,”
• “I promise to compliment your baking, even when your cakes are raw on the inside,”
• “I promise to always give you the last drop in the wine bottle”
• “I vow to tell you when there’s something stuck in your teeth,”
• “I promise to drop everything when you ask me to dance.”

15. Incorporate another language (optional!)

If you, your partner or your families speak another language, translating your vows into that language (either in the moment, or in the ceremony program), or including a few words from that language when reading your vows aloud, would be a lovely touch. If you or your partner are Irish, bringing a bit of gaeilge into your vows would also be just gorgeous. We really like ‘Gra geal mo chroi’ as a way of referring to the one you love, which literally means, ‘the shining light of my heart’. Non-English words and phrases can sometimes better express what you want to say. In other words, there are other words!

16. Don’t worry about tearing up

Some couples feel stressed about the idea of getting emotional in front of their guests, but remember that your guests are your closest family members and friends, so they’re the best audience you’ll ever have. Don’t be afraid to feel your feelings and let the tears flow – the support from your partner and guests will help you keep going and finish your vows.

17. Remember to breathe!

My final tip is to just go with the flow and let the words pour out. Remember to take a deep breath just before you begin reciting your vows – you can ask a wedding party member to remind you to do this in the moment. And keep in mind that you cannot possibly go wrong when you speak from the heart. Good luck!

Click here for How to Write Your Own Ceremony!